Left Ablaze
by Katniss4eva
Summary: Katniss is having a hard time trying to get over the miscarriage with her child and Peeta just wants to make her happy. What happens when Gale comes back to apologise and throws Katniss off the edge?
1. Hurt

"P-P-Peeta?" Katniss' soft voice rings out in a stammer. I frown. "Yeah, it's me." I notice her crouched up behind a tree. "Hey," I whisper. The grey eyes gave it away. They're too busy shining half the time, although now they've gotten a little dull. I reach out to touch her arm comfortingly and she flinches away, showing the true expression on her face. Hurt. There's also a small wince as she moves away, which worries me. "Katniss...tell me what's wrong," I say calmly, crouching down to her level.

"N-n-n-nothing. Nothing's wrong," she reaches down to pick at a few tufts of grass, and in the dim light I see a large cut on her arm. "Did...did you do this?" I ask her, afraid of the answer.

"N-no," Katniss whispers, hiding her arm behind her back. I frown. "I'm no fool, Katniss. Tell me what happened."

"No!" she yells, backing further away from me. I grab her hand as soon as I can, and run back to my house in Victor's Village. I lock the doors so she can't get out. Katniss glares at me. "Now will you tell me?" I ask slowly.

"N-n-nothing hap-happened," she says, looking down. A tear drips onto the floor. It's mad how quickly she wipes it away and looks back up. I clutch her hands protectively, "Tell me what happened, Katniss. Was it you? Did you do that?" She sighs a little, fiddling with her hands and eventually replies with a quiet "Yes."

I frown at her. "Alright." Katniss frowns back at me. I breathe slowly, trying to grasp the situation. They've turned her into a mutt. They've changed her into a mutt, a mutt who thinks she should be dead. I can see it in her eyes. And it hurts. I look back at Katniss with such quick motions that she doesn't have time to wipe away the tears that have collected at the bottom of her chin. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong!"

"You're crying."

"I am _not_!"

I sigh. "Yes you are, Kat. Does it hurt?" She shakes her head. She frowns down at my feet and, in an attempt to breathe, bursts out in a fit of sobs. I hug her tight, "It's okay,"

"Go away!" she yells at me, pushing away my hug, "I'm not a cry-baby!" I look into her eyes and she turns away from them. "Does it hurt?" I repeat, gentler this time. Katniss nods, her face stained with tears. I take her into the kitchen and bandage up the wound. She sits on the counter for a few more minutes and finally says, "I'm going to bed."

"Alright," I reply, "I'll wake you for dinner."

I frown as I walk up the stairs. "Katniss?" I call one last time. She is not in the bedroom. The bed is made perfectly, the way I did it this morning. So maybe she slept in one of the guest rooms. "Katniss?" I frown. She is not in there, although the bed-sheets have been pushed back and the pillows thrown across the room. I slam my hand on the bathroom door and a small whimper comes from the room.


	2. Hysteria

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games. Wish I did, though. It'd be cool.**

The bathroom door creaks open. "Katniss," I whisper, "why do you keep hiding from me?" Katniss shuffles further away. "Has your bandage come loose? We can fix this. It's okay." She's cornered herself now. I crouch down and examine her. The bandage looks alright. No leakage. She doesn't appear to be in any pain. I can read her like a book now. Which would explain why she is looking at me in utter shame and embarrassment. But why? "What happened...?" I frown, tucking back the stray strands of hair that aren't caught back in her roughly tied ponytail. It slightly worries me here. Her hair is _never _in a ponytail.

Katniss breathes uneasily, gripping onto the sink like it's a lifeline. "The bed...it somehow..." she pauses, running her fingers through her hair and twirling it around them, "got..." This time she blushes beet red, hiding her face from my view. "wet..."

"S'alright," I say quietly, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"You're not mad?" she asks in disbelief.

"Of course not." I help her up and she gives me a nervous smile. "Was it a nightmare?"

Katniss nods, the smile wiped from her face as quickly as it came. "Snow...he, he was pushing my head down in the... the lake. You were hi-hijacked and you never came to help me!" I hold her closer. "That will never happen, I promise."

She looks at me, confused. "You haven't stuck a needle in me yet."

I frown. "And why would I do that?"

"That's what they did in the rebellion. To get rid of my hysteria."

"That's not hysteria." I say quietly. "It's just you getting upset, that's all. And they did this every time?"

Katniss nods. "Oh, God," I whisper. Not to my Katniss. No wonder. They're not proper doctors. Don't know how to treat someone properly. "It's okay. Do you want to shower? I'll cook dinner on low for a while."

**A/N: What do you think? Are the chapters too long or too short? Remember every review means so much to me!**


	3. Isis

**Disclaimer: I don't own THG or any of these characters. I only own Isis.**

Poor Katniss. This must be really hard on her. I concentrate on dinner instead: sausages and mashed potatoes and vanilla cheesecake for dessert. She comes stumbling down the stairs, a huge bruise on her toe. "Somebody needs to stop walking into walls," I remark, pulling her into a hug. Katniss gives me a schoolgirl giggle, sitting down at the table. We dunk sausages in mash. Finally she looks up from her food and says: "I'm sorry."

"What for?" I ask.

"You know," she says quietly.

"Oh, Katniss. None of that was your fault and you know it."

"Do you...still love me?"

"Of course I still love you. I'd love you no matter what." This time she can't stop crying, no matter how long I rock her on my lap. "Come on, dessert's almost ready." I say brightly.

"Not hungry." Katniss grumbles.

I decide not to pressure her. "Okay. There some here if you want any later."

After the cheesecake is ready, I peek into the living room. Katniss is not there. She must have gone for a walk. A few hours later and she is still not back. I set off for the woods. "Katniss?" I call. I eventually I stop at a rock, where Katniss is slumped across, fast asleep. I pick her up in my arms. She doesn't stir apart from a wave and a few mutters. I open the door to our house and place her gently on the sofa.

A few hours later, I hear her stir from her sleep. She is holding a faded photograph. Two small girls sit on swings, one with blonde hair, and one with brown hair in two braids. A girl who looks exactly like Katniss is holding the swing seats with a smile. "Is that you?" I ask quietly, trying not to startle her.

"Yeah," she replies.

"And that's Prim?" Katniss shakes her head.

"Madge." Oh yeah. I forgot that Prim would be too young.

"So who's that?" I ask curiously. She takes a deep breath before beginning.

"My twin sister, Isis. Those two braids, that was her thing."

"So it was her who sang the Valley Song?"

"No. That was me. Since we could only afford for one of us to go to school, we decided it should be me. Isis was so clever. She wrote loads. The most amazing imagination. Every night, she told me how she was going to write stories and get loads of money. Then we could go to the Capitol and be free. And every night she would promise that she would volunteer if I got reaped. She always thought of me and baby Prim. She had so much common sense. It was crazy how she'd offer to take the first, heaviest load from me and put it on her shoulders instead. You wouldn't think I was older, you wouldn't. But then, having Prim around started taking its toll on her. She wasn't used to having barely any attention. She went out for a walk and was found dead later that evening, by the fence. It had been turned on because of a wild bear around in the woods. Everyone just assumed it was an accident; a child wanting to explore. But she was too clever. She knew the fence was on. But no one ever believed me. We didn't tell Prim about her. Or Gale. Madge knew. That's why she always stayed quiet. On that first reaping, I imagined it was Isis holding my hand instead of Madge. If I was reaped, or Madge, Isis would've volunteered in a heartbeat. And, on Prim's reaping, I had to play pretend. Pretend I was Isis and be brave and volunteer. When Effie asked for my name I almost said hers. We were six when this was taken. Mayor Undersee took us to the park with Mother and Father. The swings were Isis' favourite. They haven't taken them down. They had a plaque built right above the swing she always sat on. And I always sit on that one. Always." Katniss looks up, smiling at the memory. I'm actually surprised at how she's kept it all together. I would've broken down by now. But then again, she was seven when it happened.

"What's the time?" she asks suddenly, the smile still glued to her face.

"Around seven, why?"

"I could do with that cheesecake right about now."

I laugh and bring in a plate of cheesecake and whipped cream. Her face lights up when she sees it, eyes wide. Katniss eats the lot. She looks absolutely...I'm not entirely sure, but I think she's had far too much sugar for her to handle. "I like butterflies." she says quickly, giggling. And I swear that she can't stop.

"No more sugar, Katniss." I say firmly. She tugs on my sleeve.

"Why not?" she pouts, glaring at me. " I want more sugar!"

I groan. "Just go to bed, Katniss."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"You will go up those stairs and go to bed right now."

"I don't want to!" she yells, tears starting to stream down her face. I pick her up and she starts screaming for Haymitch.

"Katniss, honestly, come on..." New rule: Katniss should never under any circumstances have sugar. She reluctantly gets under the covers and yawns. "Goodnight," I whisper.

"Goodnight." she snaps back. I decide to sleep on the sofa for the night. It's only been around an hour when I'm awoken. I trudge sleepily upstairs to see Katniss gripping onto the sink in the bathroom. "You alright?" I ask cautiously, resting the back of my hand on her forehead. God, she's hot. Katniss shakes her head.

"I think I'm gonna pass out." I sit her on my lap so she can calm down. She breathes steadily; she suddenly gets up with such a jerk that she pukes all over the floor. Great.

"Sorry." she mutters.

"Not your fault."

"Shouldn't have had that cheesecake."

I shake my head. "It's not about the cheesecake. You're sick, Kat. Go back to bed, yeah?"

She stays on my lap. "I want to stay here. Please." Katniss sits back on the toilet seat whilst I mop up. After a few minutes she gets up to puke again. I stroke her back and hold her hair away from her mouth. "Now will you take me back?" Katniss sighs. I help her up and she walks a couple steps before she places a hand on the wall. Now she's breathing heavy. I place the back of my hand on her forehead, the way I did before. She's getting hotter by the minute. She walks a couple more steps before she squints.

"Peeta?"

"Yeah?"

"Hold my hand." she says frantically. I rush to her side and hold her hand as she instructed.

"How you feeling?"

"A bit woozy," she admits, before wrapping an arm around mine.

Suddenly, she drops to the floor.

**A/N: So, what did you guys think? And thanks for the reviews. Please keep reviewing, it gets me so excited! YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME! **


	4. Author's Note

This is not a chapter. I'm sorry, but I won't be updating for a few days. I'm going away to London tomorrow. I AM bringing my iPod, so I will be able to note down some chapters :)

Keep reviewing; you guys are Marvelous!


	5. Cookies

**A/N: Finally got this chapter done! Let me know what you guys think. Some language in here, too.**

****_Katniss PoV_

I wake up with a throbbing pain in my head. Peeta is curled up beside me, contained peacefully in whatever he is dreaming about. I know that moments like these are rare for him, so I let him sleep on, although I am dying for a glass of water to hopefully ease the pain. As the hammering inside my skull gets worse, I try resting pillows over my head and thinking of relaxing thoughts; both of which fail to soothe my headache. Biting my lip, I try breathing calmly until I can't hide it any longer. I start making those stupid choking sounds I make when I start sobbing. Crap. Now it's obvious I'll have disturbed Peeta from his sweet, quiet dream, another rarity in the Mellark household. Hands pull me closer to his body, holding me close. My wracking sobs awaken Buttercup, who pounces onto the bed and snuggles up between Peeta and I. "What's wrong?" Peeta asks, wiping away my tears with a quick, yet gentle swipe of his thumb.

I struggle to speak. "My head..." I get out, but not before Peeta asks: "Would you like some water?"

I nod. It's like he can read my mind these days. I take the mug in my hands and down it all. Drink like I haven't tasted water for months. "Does it still hurt?" Peeta asks with a whisper.

"Mmh," I mutter. He plants a kiss on my forehead, a soft one that doesn't leave my head pounding even more but leaves impact. "I love you, Peeta Mellark."

"I love you more."

"Wanna bet?"

"Wanna grab breakfast?"

"So you don't wanna bet?"

"Yeah, but breakfast sounds better."

"Kay."

"Katniss? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No. It's just-" I wince.

Peeta smiles. "Wait there, okay sweetheart?"

I frown. Where the hell is he going? He can't just leave me here! I yell his name repeatedly until the throbbing in my head forces me to shut up. He returns with a box of... medicine. Of course. Medicine. "Open wide." he smiles, pouring some of the pink liquid onto the spoon and gently placing it on my tongue.

"I can boo it bybelf ya bow." I say, not swallowing yet. Eventually the pain makes me swallow and I prepare for the awful taste that follows. And it makes me sick to my stomach. "Katniss?" Peeta asks, eying me cautiously, "How do you feel?"

"I'm going to be bloody sick, if that's what you mean!" I laugh. "Seriously, where the hell did you get this from? It tastes like absolute shit."

"Going hunting; see you tonight!" I yell from the bottom of the stairs.

"No you're not!" Peeta yells back. "You should really still be in bed! You're lucky I've let you get dressed today."

"Fine, Haymitch's then."

"I'll know if you've been or not." I slam the door in his face and knock on Haymitch's door.

"Hello Katniss!" comes Effie's chirpy voice.

"I'm, uh, here to see Haymitch."

"Mitchie, honey, Katniss is here to see you!" Effie places a kiss on Haymitch's cheek as she rushes inside.

"Three words." I say with a smirk. "What. The. Hell."

Haymitch laughs. "I can explain. My fiancée." My jaw literally drops to the floor.

"What did you just say?"

"Haymitch Abernathy! Tidy the bathroom!" Effie yells from inside.

"I have. I tidied it just this minute!" Haymitch slumps his way up the stairs and Effie makes me a quick coffee and we sit at the table together. The home looks quite neat and homely. Everything is different. Especially the table that Haymitch used to sit at. His 'knife table' isn't there anymore. Instead it is a sweet oak table fit for a family of around six. There is a new telephone installed in the wall, and a little dresser sits below it, with a phone-book resting on the top. A rack on the wall holds magazines and newspapers and a shelf full of CDs are above a sweet stereo. The couch is cute, in the shape of a pair of lips. I don't understand how Haymitch agreed to this.

"Katniss, I was wondering if you and Peeta would like to go away to the Capitol with us for a few nights out. If you don't want to, I wouldn't want to either based on what might've happened, I understand completely. But I can assure you that everything has changed. Nothing bad can happen."

"I'll think about it." Because, actually, that sounds quite good. To get away from it all. A holiday is exactly what Peeta and I both need.

"Alright then," Effie lays her hands out on the table and her engagement ring shines in the midday sun.

"It's beautiful," I whisper. And it really is. Absolutely breathtaking. And that's when I start getting so emotional that I have to run back home without saying goodbye. Peeta immediately rushes to me, arms outstretched, tumbling my body into a hug.

"Katniss, honey, what's the matter?" I can't speak because of the amount of sobs wracking my body. Why am I crying over a ring?

"Pretty ring." I say plainly, like a three-year-old.

"Ahh," Peeta smiles, raising his thumb over the scar on my forehead.

"Stop it!" I complain.

"On one condition."

"And what would that be?"

"Marry me."

"What?!" I ask in disbelief. Did he just... No. No way.

"Marry me, Katniss."

"For...for real?"

"Of course for real, silly."

"Yes!" I can't breathe. I can't speak because I can't stop crying. This boy - no, man - has asked me to marry him. He wants to marry me, Katniss Everdeen. The poor girl from the Seam. Because that is who he wants to marry. Not the Girl on Fire. Not the Mockingjay. Little Katniss Everdeen. The one who lost her father in a mine explosion. The only one who knows the Valley Song. The one whose mother married her father instead of his. The one who would do anything for her sister, even if it meant risking her own life. The one who, when she sings, even the birds stop to listen.

"Mommy, mommy!" I cry, jumping up to grab the hem of her dress. I am three again.

"Yes, Kit-Kat?" my mother smiles.

"Look at all the pretty cakes, mommy!" Suddenly a little boy comes up to me with a cookie in his hand.

"I made this for you." he says quietly.

"Thank you." I say with a giggle.

"Peeta Mellark, get inside right now!" a woman yells. I wince. She slaps my hand with such force that the cookie flies out of my hand and lands on the pavement in a crumbled mess. I am pretty much helpless. I wail at the top of my voice. The boy gave me that cookie. It was mine and she made me drop it.

I wake up to a finger stroking my cheek. My bottom lip wavers. I just hope I'm not crying, I really do. Otherwise I'll have to tell the entire dream, and I don't think I can. Peeta frowns. "Katniss, sweetie. Shhh, it's okay. Don't cry."

"I'm not crying." I say.

"Don't lie."

I force myself to stop crying. I don't see why I'm crying anyway. I utter one sane word: "Mommy."

"I'll go phone your mommy, okay?" Peeta whispers. I nod, before muttering something along the lines of hysteria. I have to find some sort of pill to ward it off, but there aren't any in this house. Anywhere.

"I phoned your mom, okay? She's coming in a few days."

"No!" I cry.

"Why not?"

"She can't!"

"You need her, Katniss."

"I don't! I can do just fine without her!"

It's all a big lie. I do need her, of course I do. She's my mom. But I don't want Peeta to know that. Then the dream comes back to me. I try my hardest not to start wailing again.

"Katniss, tell me what that dream was about. You look bothered by something." Peeta frowns.

"I don't want to talk right now." I frown back at him.

"You know, it helps if you talk to someone."

"I just want to be alone! Is it that hard?!"

**A/N: So? If you guys review then maybe little Peeta will bake you a cookie! Katniss is probably a little OOC but she has a reasonable excuse.**


	6. Catnip

**A/N: Some language in this chapter too, guys!**

I stumble through the woods. What an idiot I am, coming this far. I lean back on a tree, catching my breath. _Just this one last rest Katniss, and then you have to keep running. You can't let it catch you out._ I'm about to force myself to walk a few paces when something rests its hands/feet/body parts on my shoulders. I let out a squeal.

"What the hell?" I yell to who/whatever is out there.

"Honestly, Catnip."

"Gale? Don't come out!"

"And why not?"

"Because."

"Why can't I come out?"

"You scared me..."

"And...?"

"I just pissed my pants. There. Happy now?"

Gale laughs.

"Not funny!"

"Is too."

"Is not!"

Gale steps out from behind the tree.

"I made this cookie for you."

"Peeta Mellark, get back inside now!"

I shake my head, the tears simply falling because of the dream now. I raise my hand. No wonder I wailed. The bruise is faint, but still there. "Katniss?" I look up and Gale is frowning at me, his eyes fixed on the bruise that he probably hasn't noticed before. Same as me. I run the fastest I've probably ever ran before.

Peeta eyes me up. I am soaked to the skin (thank you Gale), my hair is a mess and I must have hit my hand somewhere because my bruise is clearer than it was before.

"Peeta," I whine, tugging on his sleeve. "I have to ask you something."

"Yes?"

"If Gale knocks, I'm not in. Got it?"

"Got it..."

"Get back in the house right now!"

I blink. "No! He doesn't have to! He made that cookie for me! It's mine!"

"Katniss? What the hell are you talking about?" Peeta frowns.

"What?"

"You spaced out. You were saying about the holiday in the Capitol and then you just started saying stuff about cookies."

"Oh, uh, sorry."

"Katniss, this is getting serious. Gale talked to me and he said you had a bruise on your hand."

"It's nothing."

"Mommy, mommy! Look at all the pretty cupcakes!"

"Yes sweetie."

"I'm sorry about your other cookie. I made you another one."

"Stupid Seam girl."

"It's my cookie! He made it for me! My cookie! Don't! Stop hitting him! Please."

"Katniss, you spaced out again."

"I did?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Tomorrow I'm taking you to see the doctor."

"But-"

"No buts."

"Mommy." I say helplessly.

"Nothing you say will change my mind."

Nightmares of the mine explosion flood my sleep. "Run, daddy! Run!"

"Katniss?" When I don't reply, a pillow smacks me in the face.

"Ouch." For some weird reason, I start bawling.

"It's my cookie! He made it for me! That's not fair!"

I sob into my pillow and then Peeta's chest, until I hit rock bottom.

"I want Mom."

**A/N: How do you like this chapter? Pretty short, eh? Was it eventful? For every review this chapter gets, Mrs. Mellark will give Katniss a cookie to say sorry!**


	7. Smoke

Oh, crap. Why did Peeta ever tell me I had to go to the doctors? Because he doesn't know. He doesn't know any of what happened after his mother slapped me. And now I'm scared.

"I can't go." I say, struggling to breathe.

Peeta blinks a few times. I'm worried he might have a flashback until he says: "You have to. It's for your own health."

"And that's why I shouldn't go!"

"What do you mean?"

"Phobia." I say simply, stupidly showing him the bruise.

"Is that what the doctor did?" I hear his voice rising in the darkness. I really should pull the curtains open, but I don't want him to see the fear that is written on my face.

"No, that's what your mother did when she slapped me!" I yell.

"What? She slapped you?" The news doesn't quite sink in.

"Yes." I reply meekly, biting my lip. Suddenly, he turns on the light.

"Katniss, I..."

I sigh.

"And this is the dream, then?"

"Yeah." I sigh, defeated. Somehow I work my way into his arms before I turn into a blubbering wreck.

"I love you."

I stare at Peeta, confused.

"I love you." he repeats.

"Yeah, I love you too, now keep hugging me."

"Strange girl," Peeta says with a chuckle.

I groan, sprawling my arms out on the sofa.

"What's up?" Peeta asks. "Not feeling too great?"

"No, not really." I admit. I have to say, he's good.

"Would you like some water?"

"No thanks," I roll over to lay on my stomach. It helps the aching.

"I'm going to the bakery, okay? I'll call Effie to come and look after you." Peeta smiles.

A short while later, Effie arrives. She takes me in and then disappears into the kitchen. I feel the wet tears stream down my cheeks. I'm not bothering wiping them away. I just lay on the sofa, letting my mind run astray.

"Katniss!" I turn around to see Prim, arms outstretched. I reach in to hug her and I fall flat on the floor. Prim has disappeared into a cloud of primrose-yellow smoke. "Woah, are you okay?" Finnick is standing before my eyes. I'm almost up when I lose my balance. I reach out to grab his hand and he vanishes with a puff of bronze smoke. The tears pour down my face. Someone is nudging me. Rue. She holds out a tissue in one hand. "Thanks." I mutter. My fingers barely get a hold of the white rag when a puff of blue smoke swallows up my ally in one gulp. "Why so glum, Girl on Fire?" Cinna. Of course it's Cinna. He kneels down in front of me and runs his thumb along the scar on my forehead. I reach out and grasp his arm. It's a moment too late that I realise what I've done. He is gone quicker than he came. "No!" I yell, just wanting everything back to normal. "Please. Daddy, whatever you do, don't come. They'll get you too!"

"Katniss! Katniss!"

"Mmh..." I mumble, only just waking up.

"Shh, it's okay. Mommy's here." It takes me a few minutes to register everything. I am sitting on my mother's lap in my house in District Twelve's Victor's Village. I rest my head on her shoulder, willing myself not to cry. My bottom lip quavers.

"Mommy's here. Mommy's here." The words are enough to make me sob. Because she's never been here to comfort me. Six years without a mother's love is a surprisingly long time. And now I know what Prim will want.

"I missed you, Mom."

**A/N: Whew! How's this one? Probably a bit shorter than the others, but the next few are going to be quite eventful!**


	8. Gale

**A/N: Mild rape scene, but not smut or anything.**_  
_

_later that day_

"Hey, Catnip."

"Hey Gale."

"I have a surprise for you, Miss Everdeen."

"It's Mrs Mellark to you." I spit, still not fully trusting him.

"Whatever. Tell anyone about this little 'encounter' and I kill you. Just the way I killed Prim." Gale pins me to the ground. I try and kick him in the stomach but he tugs my boots off my feet and throws them behind him. He grabs a knife, similar to the one Clove may have used, and cuts my forehead in the exact same place. Good Lord, if he's killing me, he'd better make it quick. "Now lift your arms up." he commands. I do as I'm told. He eases my hunting jacket off and then my shirt. Oh, God. Now I know exactly what he's attempting to do. Everything comes off. I'm lying naked in the middle of a woods.

"Don't do it, I beg of you. Please." Gale ignores me. I close my eyes and let the tears fall. Maybe if I sob at the top of my voice, someone will come. But death might come before help, so I keep quiet. I don't want to see any of his crappy rape. "There. I'm done, you little baby. Go home and cry to your mommy." I quickly shove on my clothes and boots. I try my hardest not to cry.

Peeta can't find out. He'll hate me forever. I walk home with my head down, fighting back tears. As I open the door, Peeta notices my cut immediately.

"Katniss?" he frowns. "How did this happen?"

"I was clumsy." I lie, hoping he'll buy it.

"You don't have a knife."

"Gale does. I was borrowing it."

"Not buying it, Kat."

"But it's true!"

"Not real."

"Real."

"Not real. You can't just do it. It wouldn't be in the same direction or anything. This cut has been perfected. It's taken time."

I groan. "Fine, whatever you say."

"That's because you know I'm right."

I let out a bloodcurdling scream.

"Katniss? Are you alright? You look as if you've seen a ghost."

But it wasn't a ghost I saw. Gale's crazy, cackling, rapist face stalking me through the window. I rest my hands on the wall as the room spins like a waltzer. _No, no. Don't black out. Katniss, don't you dare_! I try to breathe calmly, see sense. The hysteria is rising and there is nothing I can do.

"Bastard." I mutter.

"What?" Peeta asks, wrapping his arms around me.

"Don't touch me!" I yell.

"Why not?"

"I'm dirty."

"Go shower then. I'll stay right here."

"You... you wouldn't understand."

"Oh..." Peeta smiles. "Girl things. Of course."

"No, not that!" I snap, turning round to face him.

"Then what?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"He'll- I just can't."

"Who? And what will he do?"

I breathe in. Tell Peeta and die, or lose Peeta and live. "Kill me."

"Who will kill you?"

"Nobody." I say frantically._ Must change the subject. And quick._

"Katniss, tell me the truth."

I look down at the floor.

"Katniss Everdeen-Mellark, tell me exactly what happened!"

"Gale raped me."

**A/N: Dun dun duuh!**


	9. Test

_three months later_

I wake up with a start. My stomach tumbles and tumbles the way it has been half the night. I have to make a mad dash for the bathroom. I puke until there is nothing left to puke out. Peeta rubs my back soothingly. I want to go back to bed but he insists: "Let's wait a while. About five minutes and you can go back to bed."

I nod. After four-and-a-half minutes, I snuggle back under the covers.

"How are you feeling?" Peeta asks, reaching for my hand in the orange sunrise

"Better." Then I frown. "Aren't you getting up? You always watch the sunrise."

"Not this morning. My diamond girl is sick."

I blush. "Can we get up, then?"

"If you want."

We walk down the stairs, hand in hand. I sit at the table, my fingers tapping the pine. My bow and sheath of arrows lie in the corner of the room, untouched and covered in dust. They've been like that ever since the encounter with Gale three months ago. I've not dared venture past the wooden gate that leads from the District to the nature trail, or the lake and its wildlife.

"Pancakes?"

"Yeah, please." I take a simple bite. "What's in this?" I ask, examining the rest of the pancake.

"What I normally put in. Why?"

"It tastes awful!"

Peeta rips off a chunk and tastes it. "Tastes normal." he frowns.

I shrug. "Must be the sickness."

Peeta nods. I take a sip of the herbal tea I've been taking from my mother and spit it out in horror.

"Water! Water!" The taste is indescribable. Mint herbal tea, my favourite, so why does it taste so bad?

For some reason, I start crying.

"Shh, it's okay. It's fine. You don't have to drink it." Peeta soothes, planting a kiss on my cheek. Wow. We haven't kissed in ages. "Katniss, you really should see a doctor," he curses himself, "or at least your mother."

"No, please, no..." I cry, backing away from him until I hit the wall. Peeta comes closer. And closer.

"Gale, stop it!" I yell, kicking him repeatedly in the stomach.

"Oh, God, Katniss..." Peeta whispers. I can't stop myself from sobbing now. I've hurt Peeta.

"Hey, hey. Not your fault." Peeta says quietly, reaching out to hug me. But the memory is enough to bring back everything.

"Don't touch me!"

"Katniss? It's okay, I promise."

"I'm dirty."

"You're not dirty. None of what happened was any of your fault."

I smile. "I believe you."

Peeta smiles back. Although on the inside, I'm not smiling. The incident with Gale has brought up one of my worst fears.

I hide myself in the bathroom and slowly show myself the test. Two lines. Oh God. No. No, this can't be happening. I don't want to be pregnant. Not with his kid! I don't realise I'm sobbing violently until Peeta opens the door. Shit. I forgot to lock it.

"What's up?" Peeta asks quietly.

"The sky." I say.

"Katniss, what's wrong?"

"Most of the answers on my test."

"Katniss..."

"Fine!" I yell, flinging the test I had previously been hiding.

"Katniss..." Peeta whispers.

"I know, I know."

"You're not even pregnant."

"Wait, what?"

"You're not pregnant."

"I'm not?"

"Nope."

"Peeta, you're trying it on you. Of course you're not pregnant. I am."

"Oh yeah. I knew that." I laugh. Peeta has done the impossible. He has cheered me up.

"I think we should do this Capitol holiday right about now." Peeta says, taking my hand in his.

I smirk. "Yes, yes we should."

We book a hotel and train tickets and then call at Haymitch's house to tell them about the news. Haymitch is surprisingly sober.

"Hey, sweetheart. Baker boy." He grabs a bottle from on the table and starts drinking.

"Haymitch, no! Please, otherwise I will have no choice but to leave." Effie says quietly. "It's not fair on me."

Seeing her so upset makes me burst into tears. Curse these hormones.

"Shh, it's okay. Come here, baby." Peeta hugs me and I sob into his shoulder.

"Katniss? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Effie sighs, her bottom lip quavering.

"It's okay. Not your fault. Gale's fault really." I shudder a little when I say his name. I just really don't want Effie to cry otherwise I'll start again.

"Well, I..."

"We came to say..." I can't speak.

"You're pregnant." Haymitch finishes for me. Effie squeals and throws me into a hug.

I laugh quietly.

"We have to go." Peeta says. "Come on, Kat."

I frown. "All right."

**A/N: So, who likes pregnant Katniss?**


	10. Baby

Peeta PoV

_one month later_

She stands nervously, playing with her fingers. "You look beautiful," I whisper.

"Don't lie."

Wait, what? "I'm not lying. You look absolutely wonderful."

"I look awful, Peeta. I'm ugly."

"Katniss, don't you dare think that for a second. You are the most amazing person in the world and don't let anyone else make you think any different." She starts to cry then. I rest my arms around her waist.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, it looks great on you. You're fine. Come on, let's go. Can't miss the train, can we?" I bend down and wipe away her tears.

"I don't want to go. I've changed my mind."

"Don't be silly. Come on." I reach out for her hand. Katniss shakes her head violently.

"I said I don't want to go!"

"Everything is going to be okay, I promise." I slip her pearl into her pocket. The mockingjay pin rests in my hand. I run a thumb over its wings and then pin it onto Katniss' dress.

"Doesn't actually guarantee safety." Katniss says with a smile.

We walk, hand in hand, to the train station, wheeling the suitcases behind us.

"I love you." she whispers, standing on tiptoe to kiss my cheek.

"I love you too."

I let Katniss sit down first. I can tell she's getting agitated because she keeps tapping the table and won't stop looking out the window. I place a hand on her back.

"It's okay."

She looks down at her stomach. "I'm not feeling so good."

We swap seats. "Do you want me to stay near the bathroom with you?"

She nods weakly.

"Come on then." I offer her my hand to hold.

The walk through the carriage takes its toll on her, for she is clutching her abdomen by the time we reach the bathrooms. I rub her back gently.

"Wait, remember?"

Katniss nods. "I'm done." she says.

I pull her up and we make our way back. "Bedroom?" I offer, since there is a bathroom in there.

"Okay." she replies. I take both suitcases in my arms and Katniss follows. She lays on the bed with a happy sigh. Until she frowns.

"What's up, babes?"

"We left Buttercup."

"Haymitch and Effie will feed him."

She still frowns.

"That wasn't the problem, was it?"

"No." she admits, twirling a strand of her now loose hair round her finger.

"Katniss, I'll love this baby no matter what, you know that, don't you?"

"I'll love the baby too. I don't care if it's Gale's, it's still a baby. I mean-"

"Wait there, will you?"

I wait. About five minutes later, I hear soft crying from inside the bathroom.

"Katniss, honey?"

"You promised nothing bad would happen! You said it'd be okay!" she yells, trembling at every word.

"Why?" I ask, although I very well know exactly what happened.

"I lost the baby." she whispers.

"Come here." I say quietly. I hold her hands in mine, warming them up. "We're going to get through this, aren't we? Yes, we are."

"I want to be alone." she says, her head down.

"Of course." I say.

**A/N: It pained to write this one :( Please review! You guys are absolutely ahmayzayn! (NO I DID NOT MEAN THAT PUN)**


	11. Losing

_Katniss PoV_

We'd just talked about how we were going to love this baby and now I've lost it. I sit quietly on the bed in my old bedroom, telling myself not to cry. It's for the better anyway. It was Gale's baby, and I don't think I could bring myself to look at it without bringing those awful memories back.

The soft cries bring me back to reality. It takes a while to realise that I'm the one crying. I call out his name weakly: "Peeta!"

He comes in as soon as he hears me shout. He must have been standing outside. Peeta sits me on his lap and rocks me as I cry away the pain. He doesn't offer any soothing words, and I wish he would.

Suddenly the door opens and a man enters. "Sorry, I must have the wrong room."

"No, she just came here for some comfort. We'll leave now." Peeta says, not recognising the man.

I squirm out of his grasp. "Cinna..."

"Katniss, don't be daft. Come on, let's go."

The man chuckles. "So you didn't forget me, did you, Girl on Fire?"

I'm happy to see him, but suddenly something clicks. "I can't deal with this right now!" I sink to the floor, drowning in my own tears.

"Come on, sweetheart, time to go." Peeta whispers, picking me up bridal style. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes, wishing myself away from this world and into my own.

"Don't touch me."

"Not now, Katniss, please. Not now."

"As if I can help it!"

"I know."

I sigh. "I'm going back to the room." Peeta frowns.

"Katniss, I have to talk." I look back at Cinna and then Peeta.

"Is it private?" "I think Cinna deserves to know."

"Okay."

"Are you sure..."

"Of course I'm sure! I think I know wether I've had a miscarriage or not!"

"Katniss, we need to see a doctor."

"No! You know what happened, Peeta!"

"Katniss, this is important."

"You can't just do this, Peeta."

"It's for your own health."

I frown. "Fine. We'll go."

He kisses me on the cheek. "Good girl."

We walk back to our room in silence. "Mommy? Mommy, where are you?" a little voice comes from the bedroom.

"Hey, sweetie. Come here." I whisper. A dark-skinned little boy, who happens to look a lot like Rue, comes out from behind the wall with a timid smile.

"What does your mommy look like?"

"She looks like me, but bigger. And she's a girl. I have a big sister too I used to have two..." His eyes grow wide.

"Katiss!"

Suddenly it clicks. Rue's little brother. No, no.

"Peeta, why didn't you tell me we were stopping in-"

"Katniss, honey, you're overreacting. You've had barely any sleep. Go to bed, okay?"

"Not tired."

"Should I sing you a wuwwaby Katiss?"

"Alright." I smile.

**A/N: Meh. I'm not as fond of this one as I am the others. What do you guys think?**


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